30 August 2008
It seems that convictions are curious beasts -- sometimes shoring us up and making us feel strong and protected while being embraced, and at other times costing us in ways that can be hard to measure at first, but which in the end have a cost greater than what we might anticipate. But the bottom line is that all of us must live by the convictions we hold, and that in a way hold us. Time tell us whether our convictions and the decisions they give birth to makes us feel ...
1. More shored up in our relationship with others, ourselves, and God ... or ...
2. More dismantled in our relationship with others, ourselves, and God.
Strangely, I've discovered that sometimes when I think my convictions and decisions will result in # 1 being true, I then discover that they've left me standing squarely in front of # 2.
And conversely, when I've thought that my convictions and decisions will result in # 2, I've sometimes then discovered that I've been left holding onto # 1. Of course it doesn't always turn out in this flip-flop manner -- but it happens just often enough that I can really feel beat up by doubts and second-guessing what decisions. Neither of which are any good.
I am learning, however, that I can't allow my convictions and decisions to stand in the way of the relationships and friendships I have with the people I love ... and that when this threat looms on the horizon, that I must take the high road, lay down "my rights" to be heard, to convince, and even to even to some measure, to discuss ... for the sake of moral civility.
To use the old cliche, I'm not "willing to think I've won the war just because I've won one battle." Life is bigger, deeper, wider, and more complex than that. And I'm just trying to keep a hold of Jesus' hand while I walk through it ... manifesting His character, His thoughts, His words, and His actions. Easier said than done, right? Right. Godspeed.