13 April 2006

I'm very thankful for a friend who took the time to write me an encouraging email today. Sometimes all it takes to nudge another human being from the place of feeling disconnected and nearly hopeless back across the line to the place of feeling connected and hopeful is the kind of compassionate human connection this email brought me. I'm not clinically depressed, but I'd be lying if I didn't 'fess up to the effects of being away from my precious family for most of the past five months. It's damn hard.

I read and reread my friend's words and was reminded of many things. God knows me, God has plans for me, God isn't done with me, and most of all God can be trusted. I wish life was more cut and dry -- decisions able to be quickly and cleanly made after God lays out all the options in front us. No sweat really. Easy-peasy. Like trying to pick out the one Caucasian in a lineup of Koreans.

But it's not like that most of the time.

In fact, more times than not our way is more obfuscated than in focus, and God's voice is more muffled than crystal clear. It's nuance and sway, and options and then no options ... all playing out in front of us like a ballet on a stage. And we have two choices -- we can passively watch from the auditorium seats or we can jump up on stage and get into the dance. You wanna see my flying leap? I've been practicing it for months. It's really quite stunning.

Thanks to all of you who've stayed connected to me and my family these past thirteen months since I felt so clearly led by Christ to resign my position at George Fox University. Your prayers, emails, financial gifts and tender care have meant more to me than I can put into words.

I wish I had answers to all my questions. I wish I knew where God wants me to go next. But this isn't Disneyland and I'm not God. And so I will keep living in the real world and I will keep trusting the One who is God. As I go to bed I'm praying that you will know God's presence, provision and peace as powerfully as I do tonight in my little house on the Michigan prairie. Good night and Godspeed.



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